Among other things iLose track

Fleeting moments of the past. How many times have we tried to capture a frame and just freeze it in time? How many times have we thought so much about the past that we completely forgot about what lies ahead of us? How man times have we lost track of the present?

I have been told that nostalgia is a feeling that almost always ends up making us feel not quite happy. We arrange and rearrange our memories. We desaturate what was a flaring red to a dull grey; we make parts we want to remember so vibrant that it fades everything else away. Why do we cling to the past so vehemently? Letting go of the past does not mean forgetting about it, of course. But clinging to it? Definitely unhealthy. Expecting things to go back to how they were? Truely unhealthier. Yearning to go back and changing decisions/choices? Tsk.

Time hurts and time heals. But time does not go back, it only moves forward. The only time machine that is going to exist is our (at times, very biased) minds; taking us back and forth. Faster than the speed of light we can go back to our childhood memories.

Learning to know when to look back and when to stop - then look straight ahead is what needs mastering, and again, it takes time - does it not?

Among other things, iHang on

Part 1

In the land

Of blinding chaos

Amongst you and me

Between infinite layers

There is something

I should hold on to

I should find it

And I should find it soon

I know not where I stand

I know not where I will be

For I am crippled by an unknown dread

Am I dead?

Or am I just...

Hanging by a thread. [to be continued].

Among other things, iShare

I have had a weird way of looking at the world. I used to think, only good things happen to good people and if a bad thing happens to them, their goodness is being tested. Till I was around 22 years old, I held on to this belief. Then one day, I wished for my life to get tough while walking home from station. Those of you who believe in God will be happy to know that my 'prayer' was granted. Life got messy, it kept getting messier and I kept thinking, this is a test and I will not fall. But I did. I fell and whenever I tried to get back up, on my knees, I was kicked back. By life. I struggled to stand. But no. Then I thought maybe I will kneel to life and stay on my knees, too afraid to move. It pushed me down, beat me up shoved me in a deep dark cave. I lay down on my back and stared at the cracks of the dark cave and lost all my will to get back up. I stayed there for days, months, years...I shifted to a tunnel with no light at the end of it. I kept walking slowly, occasionally being shoved down; always afraid a train would come and hit me from somewhere (I know this sounds really punny :|). Anyway, this is what depression was for me. And still is.

My rendezvous with the darkness happens from time to time. I am shut. There is no light. However now there is a small but very important exception. There is a tiny window that sheds light from time to time. Like there is a lighthouse outside trying to save a ship from sinking on a stormy night.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive. You have no idea how much it means to me. How much it helps me to hold on and not give in.

Thank you. And if I seem rude and distant, it is just me, in the cave, waiting for the light.

Love you!