Among other things, iFeel

Mumbai is the big city. Full of noise, traffic jams, pace, ambitions...so on and so forth. Many assume, while many complain that nobody has the time to care in Mumbai. You live your day, survive it, afford things you need, indulge in things you don't need sometimes and that sums up one working day in the city. Oh how could I leave out 'Call the cops if you detect any suspicious odour coming from the next door neighbour's place'.
A lot has been said about how the city does not really bounce back after terrorist attacks since people have no choice but to go back to work thanks to it being one of the most expensive cities out there. How people are so full of apathy that they do not even care about their own lives let alone lives of strangers they pass by.
Sounds to me the city is rather robotic, insensitive and superficial.
Well, it is not.
While it is not entirely untrue that apathy persists in the city, but it is not just limited to Mumbai but all over the country. I can vouch for that 'cause I am not from just one city.

When I lived in Mumbai I had a particular incident that I'm going to share here.

I used to be a psychology student and I had my social psychology paper on that day. Now me being me, I was extremely into psychology. I mean EXTREMELY. I read my social psychology book like a freaking novel. So I got obsessed with it :|
So on the day of the exam, I'm sitting in the bus and reading about 'the bystanders' effect' for the thousandth time and suddenly I'm hit with a wave of panic. Yes, folks, you heard me. I trigger social phobia off. So I am in a state of panic and I am sure I cannot recall anything that I have studied (very common dilemma among students, I know).
So somehow I get off the bus at the train station and catch my train. My friend trying to calm me down but I am in another world. She convinces me to at least get on the train and I do. But the moment I step in the compartment my head starts to spin and my stomach is in knots.
"I need to puke", I manage to whisper.
She takes me to the other end of the train's entrance (the one not facing the platform, but the tracks). I hurl out everything I had for breakfast.
Then I just shut my eyes and stand. Then I notice that the train had not moved at all. It was not rush hour, everyone had got on so why was it not moving? I peek out of the compartment and see the train driver looking my way. In a second he moves in and starts the train. He actually waited for me to finish puking.
I was travelling in the ladies compartment, at least 20 women treated me like I was their own kid and some offered me food, water, medicine..a hug.
This city and its people are not insensitive. Those you call it insensitive are probably the insensitive ones. PROBABLY. If you can't see these daily miracles, you have shut the city of 'Mumbai' in the box of 'insensitivity'. May be, just may be, it is time to take another peek into that box. You never know what may change.

Until the next post (hopefully, before apocalypse *oh wait Trump is the President, it has already begun, PERHAPS*)

P.S. Love these 'P' words (yes, even THAT one).

Among other things, iSuck at keeping in touch

To everyone,

Hello! If you are an important person in my life, you already know about it. If not then maybe you aren't, yet, maybe you will not be, ever. But those of you already know, I suck at keeping in touch. But I think about how I do not keep in touch with you and instead of picking up the phone or going over to your place, I choose to beat myself up over how I don't keep in touch and how I suck at it (SO productive, I know). It is a vicious cycle I manage to break from time to time, thankfully.

I just thought it is about time I apologized for being so passive about it and I have decided to be more assertive. I will ensure I make you feel important you freaking awesome important human!

With lots of love,
Me!

Among other things, iExist

Manier times a person comes to a point in life where they look at a person or a bunch of people and say, 'I could not have done this without you.' or 'I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.'
On the other hand, there will be times when some people will waltz into your life and say, 'You could not have made here without me.'

I understand the first feeling, it is mostly a feeling of deep affection and unwavering gratefulness.
The second, however, is just diluted narcissism. It ain't pure. People who are too rich and full of themselves often consider their roles in others' lives as more important than your role is in your own life. Pity is the only feeling I can spare for them. I have met such people in my life and honestly I do not regret meeting them.
Whenever you encounter people you do not get along with, you can just always walk away or you can stick around to see if it works out. You either make a friend or a mistake. Learn from it. Thank them for making you stronger. And let them be a messiah to others 'cause apparently without them people are doomed!
We are the most intelligent race and we choose to be THIS.
I exist because of my family, who gave birth to me.
I exist because of my friends/partner who stood by me.
I exist because I overcame the mistakes I made.
I exist because I want to exist.
Simple.

Among other things, iChange

Recently, whenever I look into the mirror I see a stranger staring right back at me. My reflection seems to have more character in it than I do. Everyday, the reflection changes - ever so slightly - but enough for me to step back, then step into that reflection. Is it me? Am I so shallow that my reflection is taking over me? Time will tell.

Among other things iLose track

Fleeting moments of the past. How many times have we tried to capture a frame and just freeze it in time? How many times have we thought so much about the past that we completely forgot about what lies ahead of us? How man times have we lost track of the present?

I have been told that nostalgia is a feeling that almost always ends up making us feel not quite happy. We arrange and rearrange our memories. We desaturate what was a flaring red to a dull grey; we make parts we want to remember so vibrant that it fades everything else away. Why do we cling to the past so vehemently? Letting go of the past does not mean forgetting about it, of course. But clinging to it? Definitely unhealthy. Expecting things to go back to how they were? Truely unhealthier. Yearning to go back and changing decisions/choices? Tsk.

Time hurts and time heals. But time does not go back, it only moves forward. The only time machine that is going to exist is our (at times, very biased) minds; taking us back and forth. Faster than the speed of light we can go back to our childhood memories.

Learning to know when to look back and when to stop - then look straight ahead is what needs mastering, and again, it takes time - does it not?

Among other things, iHang on

Part 1

In the land

Of blinding chaos

Amongst you and me

Between infinite layers

There is something

I should hold on to

I should find it

And I should find it soon

I know not where I stand

I know not where I will be

For I am crippled by an unknown dread

Am I dead?

Or am I just...

Hanging by a thread. [to be continued].

Among other things, iShare

I have had a weird way of looking at the world. I used to think, only good things happen to good people and if a bad thing happens to them, their goodness is being tested. Till I was around 22 years old, I held on to this belief. Then one day, I wished for my life to get tough while walking home from station. Those of you who believe in God will be happy to know that my 'prayer' was granted. Life got messy, it kept getting messier and I kept thinking, this is a test and I will not fall. But I did. I fell and whenever I tried to get back up, on my knees, I was kicked back. By life. I struggled to stand. But no. Then I thought maybe I will kneel to life and stay on my knees, too afraid to move. It pushed me down, beat me up shoved me in a deep dark cave. I lay down on my back and stared at the cracks of the dark cave and lost all my will to get back up. I stayed there for days, months, years...I shifted to a tunnel with no light at the end of it. I kept walking slowly, occasionally being shoved down; always afraid a train would come and hit me from somewhere (I know this sounds really punny :|). Anyway, this is what depression was for me. And still is.

My rendezvous with the darkness happens from time to time. I am shut. There is no light. However now there is a small but very important exception. There is a tiny window that sheds light from time to time. Like there is a lighthouse outside trying to save a ship from sinking on a stormy night.
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been supportive. You have no idea how much it means to me. How much it helps me to hold on and not give in.

Thank you. And if I seem rude and distant, it is just me, in the cave, waiting for the light.

Love you!